Picking our all-21st century NBA teams. The rules:
1. Teams must consist of five starters and three bench players 2. No players are allowed who have won Most Valuable Player 3. Players must be at least 30 years old or inactive 4. Players must be "primarily" of the 21st century — a subjective requirement, but based roughly on how much of a player's peak in performance and impact on the sport occurred within the 21st century 5. Teams must make basketball sense
Minnesota United are reportedly working to sign Finnish striker Teemu Pukki. Pukki, 33 years old, comes to MLS after an extraordinary five-year stint at Norwich City in England, where he was one of their most prolific goalscorers ever. He ranks 4th in club history in goals, only trailing Iwan Roberts among players whose careers occurred within the last 50 years. Additionally, he is the top scorer in the history of the Finnish national team. He is as beloved a Canary as they come, as demonstrated by the ovation he received in his final game this May.
Supporters will miss him deeply, even if his successors manage to approach Pukki's greatness. I speak firsthand: As a Norwich fan, even one on a different continent, I've so appreciated his intelligence, hard work, and clinical finishing, which was never better showcased than with Emi Buendía on his right wing. Though Pukki is too short to be a traditional target man, there are few better at playing off a defender's shoulder and perfectly timing his run onto a through ball. Buendía was the perfect partner, assisting Pukki on 16 of his 88 Norwich goals. In the 2020-21 title-winning season, with Todd Cantwell completing the Norwich front three, they combined for some of the prettiest stuff the Championship has ever seen.
Pukki has been analyzed plenty: his traits on the pitch, his best goals, where he ranks among Norwich's greats, and what could have made his Premier League stints more successful.
Today, we're going to talk about his hair. Like other athletes I've written about here, Pukki doesn't have a lot of it. This wasn't always the case; in his younger years, Pukki sported a thick, unkempt shag. But by the time he arrived in East Anglia at the age of 28, his hair was starting to thin, and he's since had to keep it short, if not shaven. Sometimes, he has gone long stretches without a cut. He's also sported a beard, which he sometimes trimmed and regularly let grow all the way out.
What we are here to do is find a connection between the amount of hair he had — on the top of his head or on his face — and his scoring proficiency in a Norwich shirt. This is important work.
I have attempted to define his beardedness and baldness on a four-point scale, and divided his shooting and finishing statistics based on those ratings. It's not totally scientific, since there are grades within each of the grades I've identified, and even discerning which rating applies is hazy. I couldn't always find clear photo or video for a given game, which meant had to base my decisions for that game on a few frames from a 4-minute highlight reel. Weather, lighting, and video quality probably led to a few misclassifications. But over the course of Pukki's five seasons, I think those judgement calls balanced out, and we can find some trends.
